Holding Softness After Survival: SC Nealy & The LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative

Kirstie Nicole
Jan 15
5 min read

Queer and trans therapist SC Nealy, author and owner of LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative near Washington, DC | She Comes With Baggage Media

Editor's Thoughts: There are stories that remind us why visibility matters…why sharing our truths, even the most painful ones, can become a lifeline for someone else. SC Nealy’s journey is one of those stories. SC Nealy’s story is a powerful reminder of how resilience and gentleness can coexist. Growing up in an evangelical cult, losing their family after coming out, and now facing ongoing threats for providing gender-affirming care, SC has turned every hardship into unwavering advocacy for our community. Their work in religious trauma, their all-queer and trans+ therapy practice, and their belief in chosen family and healing reflect a strength shaped by intention. Sharing their journey here is an honor and a testament to how courage, softness, and truth can redefine what it means to heal.

SC Nealy, LPC (they/she) is a therapist and the owner of an all queer and trans-identifying therapy practice, LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative, near Washington, DC, dedicated to connecting LGBT+ clients with therapists who have lived experiences. They specialize in religious trauma, female and gender diverse relationship counseling, and are the author of over 30 bestselling fiction novels. Their first non-fiction book, Healing Sacred Wounds: A Guide to Healing from Religious and Spiritual Trauma, will be published by Bloomsbury in Fall 2026.

Share the path that led you to where you are today. What key experiences shaped your journey?

My story began when II grew up in an evangelical psuedo-cult in rural Virginia. Imagine every stereotype you can think of–as a girl I couldn’t wear pants, cut my hair, we had limited/no access to outside media other than approved Christian books and shows. Eventually the church imploded with in-fighting from narcissistic leadership and my family continued to pursue high-demand/high-control religion in other churches throughout my childhood. I struggled deeply with even understanding why I felt different and than learning to both accept and love myself as a lesbian and gender fluid person. My family and I are no longer in contact after I came out as queer and left a straight-passing marriage that they forced me into. It took me over thirty years to come out because I knew that I’d lose everything from my past life if I did, and that was terrifying, but it was honestly the best thing I ever did. There are so many key moments or challenges over the years that I've experienced to finding a path to my authentic self and coming out, but I wouldn’t change any of it because of how much I love where my life is today. I now own an all gay and trans therapy practice that does a lot of work in advocacy, activism, and giving back to the LGBT+ community here in DC and I make it a point to focus on helping people to never experience the hate and hiding I did.

What was it like for you to come out? Are there any pivotal moments or realizations that helped you understand and embrace your identity?

Coming out was a decades long experience for me and a revolving door of testing the waters before really committing. I tried as a child as young as six years old in the church and was chastised and rebuked by our pastor and my father. I tried again in high school when I took a girl to the prom, and again, my father cornered me in a room, ridiculed me, and told me I was just taking a girl because I was too unattractive for any man to want. I had secret relationships with women in college and fell deeply in love with my best friend, but all while we both had boyfriends and pretended to be straight. I knew this was a part of me that I couldn’t hide forever though, and every time I let myself explore a little more of my queerness, it felt so, so good. When I finally felt strong enough to face that reality, I came out and lost my entire family, but by then I had a built a queer family of my own. Today I have a chosen family of friends and loves that fill my life so much that I don’t even notice those who are missing.

Have you faced challenges, judgment, or resistance because of your identity? How did you navigate these experiences, and what lessons did they teach you?

My company, LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative, is frequently harassed and threatened for the work we do. We get death threats, sexually abusive and explicit fetishized messages, and attacks on our company and employee regularly for providing gender affirming care. Recently we had someone sign me and the company up for a ton of church newsletters and we’ve been flooded with calls from churches and visits from missionaries. It’s been incredibly difficult and we’re constantly working on safety and protection of our employees, but it’s also been such a stark reminder of how important the work we’re doing is.

How do you define queer joy?

Resistance.They don’t want us to be happy–leaning into queer joy is an act of political resistance.

If someone is figuring out their identity or how to express themselves, what advice would you share with them?

First, find chosen community and a really great therapist! Then work on really only putting yourself in spaces and places that feel like you belong just as you are, rather than you have to fit in to who they want you to be.

What role do safe and affirming spaces play in supporting our community?

I wouldn't be alive without them. Those third spaces, those community centers, queer therapists, gay bars…they are places of queer joy and support. There are not enough of them, and we need more.

"It took so much violence to become this gentle."

Have you ever faced a moment when life felt too heavy or overwhelming? How did you cope and take care of your mental health during that time?

I am constantly working on my own mental health and complex PTSD and religious trauma can leave a very heavy impact on a person, and I work hard every day to battle the core beliefs I was taught about who I am (unworthy, unlovable, etc) by reminding myself who I actually know I am–worthy, loved, kind, embraced. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is just one heavy, overwhelming thing after another, but then those moments of queer joy pop in and I’m reminded what I’m here for. Sometimes that is seeing a client blossom and love themselves, and sometimes it’s watching my girlfriend hug my children and reminding myself how deeply I love her and how grateful I am to be out and proud now.

Looking back, what advice would you give yourself during your earlier journey?

You can't heal in environments that are making you sick.

Any projects you are working on next?

My next book will be released in Fall 2026 about healing from religious trauma, and I’d love people to check it out and preorder it on my website at lgbtcounselingdmv.com

Holding Softness After Survival: SC Nealy & The LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative

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